Reality that cuts deep

Disappointed I am.

It really isn't hard to tell how much effort people put to think about you or even consider you feelings.

It's even clearer to see how true those actions are.

Is it done because that person thinks it's the right thing and what they should do just to please you, because they want to be everybody's favorite.

Or is it done instinctively because you matter, because it's what they want.

After so many trials. Everything I see gets clearer, everything I used to understand or believe about you gets shoved back to me in the most undesirable manner.

I believed everything good, I told everyone everything good which I believed you were from the very beginning.

All this lasted the test of time. Until now.

Its been more than 10 years since you first gave me an impression. Ever since then I was always ready to respond on your first call no matter when or where, I'd be doing what I can. You left, now you're back. It didn't matter if you knew this, because I never expected much in return. I only hoped for you to be a little more SENSITIVE.

Just recently I realized everything was just in my head. You never bothered, to the least, all I see was you trying to please because its what you think you should do. But it never showed that you wanted to do it from the heart. It has become so standard that a mold could be made to replicate those actions.

Still I decided to SUCK IT UP and give it another run because I wanted to believe the feeling I've always had. I wanted to prove my thoughts now are WRONG. for the first time I wanted to be wrong!

I did, and now instead of proving myself wrong, I see things even more clearly. I feel like a use and throw even more. Call me when you need me, and I'll be waiting when you don't. Never have I been so burned.. I cannot believe I can feel like this, In my life I actually had faith in something, and this is where it gets me.

This is too much for me. I think I'm done. Good luck finding another person who will always be there even if you never knew it.

This will never be reality, all I had was an illusion which I lived for so many years, even through the wait.

I'm trying my best to come to terms with the fact that you're happy living your new life trying to be the worlds favorite person in your perfect world,

and I'm your every-day douch-bag you call when you need and try to please like you're doing charity. (because you believe it's the right thing to do)

I need to go away from all this.

all I needed was a little sensitivity,

You wanted a dog, for all the things it could give you.

You never realized all along you actually had all that, you just never saw it. You just never realized that person was there waiting to give without taking.

I believe this will be the last I speak of this.

Give me a little time to get over it.

I will go away.